i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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