Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
