I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
