I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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