I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
