I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
tell me about the fingering
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