god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
