im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
