she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
