you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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