I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You left your phone here
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