Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
