so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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