I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
