not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize