Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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