Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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