38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize