Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
