yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
