Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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