I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
