she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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