I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
