I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
