Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
