if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
