Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize