i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
