i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
