the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
