Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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