Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
