did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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