I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
