Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
