Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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