I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
