I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's always time for handjobs
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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