Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
