I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
