I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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