id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
