i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
NoShamevember. You game?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
