dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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