Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
