that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize