Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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