At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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