i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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