did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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