I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Found your dick twin last night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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