I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
