I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
