Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
