so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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