Where is the hickey?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
