I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
