this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
