So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He passed out mid-signature
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I want a musical about memes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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