My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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