I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
