I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
