Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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