Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
