just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
