Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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