clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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