she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bet he comes in French.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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