please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
