I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
