Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
