I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
