I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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