Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize