I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
