Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
