yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
