come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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