cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize