My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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