I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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