Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
