your parents love me but you hate me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
