Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
