Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
