Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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