The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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