my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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