his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
